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Me, myself and I

It's just not that simple.

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What’s wrong with me today? I can’t get rid of this uneasy feeling that’s been following me all day:

It feels as if I’m doing something incredibly wrong. And it seems that with every next thought I spend, it’s only getting worse.

I’m so much behind things, I’m procrastinating and slobbing around when all I should be doing is working my ass off. I lack the spirit and expect everything to turn out the way I want it to.

This is not how it’s supposed to be. And if I can’t get myself to start fighting, I’m very likely to fail – which is something I can't bear. Not this time.

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have you been feeling that way for long or is it just today?

wanna talk it out?



'cause if yeas, am listening. and comforting if needed.

Hey cyad, thanks a lot for offering comfort. I'd love to talk if I thought that it would help.
It's not exactly been long now, about 4 weeks or so... so I'm still hoping it'll go away by itself once I stop thinking too much and start actually doing something.

Thanks again - it's really great to see that there are people like you girls out there :)

4 weeks actually long...

it's the girl who'se almost out of grave depression speaking. so, Maybe...

well, just don't hesitate top talk it out, you're not alone plus "we, girls like us" are also here for just that purpose!

you can even shout, it won't break my ears...ain't lj great? ;)

seriously, don't hesitate if you need anything.

and if scary, anxious continues, try herbal teas... it actually works (in that area also, don't hesitate to ask, I'm great at phytotherapy).

Instant feel good music vids

talk it out 101:

-How do you feel (scared, ok. But could you precise it? is it anxious scared? frightened? sleepless scared? other...?)

-What could have triggered it? you said that it's been a month and that you should "work your ass off"...off what? is it exams, family, friends, personal related?

no pressure, but since you don't seem the thought sharing type...let's start wuth baby steps. :))

I have no idea what it's really like. It's not some sort of general mood. Most of the time I manage to be all cheery... but I'm kind of fragile so to speak. It needs a single word from someone, a single thought and I get panicky and it sort of accumulates.

I guess, it's mostly that I seem to have lost myself. I've always been an overachiever, I worked all day, I studied all night. But now all I can drag myself to is going to class at the most. I lost all energy to apply for McGill next year because I'm not going to be taken anyway, so I'm not feeling like trying and hoping... and it's all just a big mess *sighs*

don't wanna scare the sh*it oput of you but that's depression. The fact that you lost energyless to do what you used to do in a clinch. that you lack the envy of foing it, even. And that you're on an emotional roller coaster each time someone speaks to you. The fact that you're all negative about yourself.

You should wirk your ass off allright. Starting by going to your family doctor (richtig Wort im deutsch hab'ich nicht) and tell him about your state and how you feel (just what you replied me) and, he should give you the phone adress of a "depresion specialist" aka therapist or psychiatrist. Don't frreak at the word. when you get physically injured, you go see, say a dentist for toothache, a dermatologist for skinache...well, for soul (aka psychological) ache the doctor is called "psychiatrist".

Dunno how it is in Germany, but in France, only a psychiatrist can prescribe you medecine. Therapist isn't recognize as a real "doctor" and, thus cannot).

But sometimes you need both (psychiatrist and therapist) to recover.

And you're gonna apply for Mc Gill before registering deadline expires...just 'cause if you don't, sure you won't be taken. Personally, I see no harm in trying and not giving up your place to someone else (who might be mless worthy than you) just 'cause of a depression.

So, go do all that! Before I get all the way to Leipzig and kick your ass off myself! :)

And remember, you're not alone. So, anytime you feel blue, or feel like venting some and take stuff out of your chest, just do!!




PS: BTW, music also helps. did you check the music vids I post as a reply? and what is the kind of music that usually makes you feel better? you might wanna put some on. Also avoid coffee, alcohol and energizing drinks for a while.

also been thinking:

Do you have a best RL friend or a bunch of real trusted friends and some relative you feel close enough to talk to about it? One who's open-minded enough to not freak out.

Youo know, everybody's got down moments. So, maybe talking about it to your friends.

Also, I know it might not be easy close to winter but force yourself to get out, walk, see the outside world and people.



first of all: Thanks for your kind words!

Gonna reply to all you've written once I found time to think about it (which is not now because, go figure, I'm at university).

I can easily reply to the friends issue, though, because, well, there are no RL friends - not those I'd talk to about this kind of topic anyway because they're either not close or Psychology majors (as I am, too) and you can probably imagine what they'd think of it...

Then there's Caro/Lara, bien sûr, who I consider myself being really close to but that's, um, sort of one-sided (i.e. I probably like and need and depend on her a lot more than she does me which is, of course, not her fault) - and even if I thought we could talk about it (because she offered when she saw this entry), I wouldn't do so just because I don't want her to worry about me.

So, well, that was kind of easy, the rest is probably not, so please give me some time to think about the stuff you wrote. I'm not avoiding, I'm just thinking.

In the meantime, I'll screen the comments (because I'm beginning to feel really uncomfortable here) - I've never done that, so I don't know exactly how it works... I hope you can still read your comments and my replies to them - if not, just yell at me and I can find a way around that.

And don't give up!

it's just common illness like broken leg or some. And we get through it. Honest!

♥ Loads of love ♥


Thank you *hugs back*

I know, you're Batgirl (and to me, you'll always be) but at times, you can be just so *Clark* :)

*giggles* Of course I am. But admit it, you like me better that way. hehehe!


Hey Sara, thanks a lot! *hugs back*

er...I can see the comments you screened but not your reply to it which makes me unable to reply as well...how can we do this?

personal email maybe. mine is cyad9 at yahoo.com

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